Live-blogging the 2009 Oscars

7:11 pm
James Franco, posing for photos with unidentified blonde. My night is already complete.

7:12 pm
SJP calls her dress "barely mint"... Dior haute couture. Ryan Seacrest calls Matthew Broderick's suit "barely black". I call his greasy highlighted hair "disturbing".

7:14 pm
Seth Rogen calls SJP "every girl's worst nightmare". Complimentary or no? He questions whether he should get fat again for his next Hollywood role. As long as he keeps his black square-frame glasses, I don't care how pudgy he gets.

7:15 pm
Anne Hathaway is wearing something silver and sparkling and looks really thin. I am neither amused nor particularly impressed. Bad news.

7:17pm
Switch over to the Barbara Walters Special to see what's -- Omigod. Ohhhh my god. Baba Wawa just said sex... in front of Anne Hathaway. Anne, on the other hand, just justified my love for her by saying she would feel "just fine" if she never got married because she has no complaints about her life. But she does want children.

And then she called Barbara "Baba" to her face. I now love her even more.


7:21 pm
Marisa Tomei is working on a comedy with Jonah Hill ... and John C. Reilly? There's three names I never thought I'd hear together.

7:22 pm
Ryan is NOT impressed with the colour of Mickey Rourke's suit, which he describes emphatically as "off white". But the chains and open collar apparently not an issue.

7:23 pm
The love of Mickey Rourke's life (his words) just died three days ago, and he is now wearing a necklace with her picture. Note: it's a dog.

7:26 pm
Queen Latifah is freaking fabulous and amazing. She's dedicating her performance tonight to "all the people we have lost over the last year". Not sure who she's referring to... likely Jennifer Hudson's relatives.

7:27 pm
Jessica Biel's hair.... IS DOWN. I repeat: she is not wearing an updo. The sky may have just fallen.

Also: she has a white iPhone to match her dress.

7:28 pm
Going to have to backtrack to my previous description of Hathaway's dress as "sparkly". Miss J has just informed us, "for you people at home who don't know the right term -- it's payettes, people." WELL THEN.

7:29 pm
Ron Howard is friggin weird looking. And Marion Cotillard looks the EXACT OPPOSITE as she did last year, with black hair, goth makeup, and a scared look on her face.

7:30 pm
PETER GABRIEL IS ON THE RED CARPET. There is nothing more to say.

Although... he doesn't seem too excited. Maybe just exhausted, due to the new baby he mentioned? What is he, like 60?

7:30 pm
Ryan Seacrest: "Here's Evan Rachel Wood.... I can smell you! Are you wearing some sort of perfume?"
Evan: "...Yes. I'm wearing a BeneFit perfume."
Ryan: "I thought it was Peter Gabriel at first."
Evan: "You shouldn't know that much about it."

Ryan Seacrest's female counterpart is so useless and negligible that I already don't remember her name.

7:33 pm
"AAAAH! Omigod, I'm like a freak of nature, how about I scream like a freak when I see Angelina and Brad? AAHHH!! ... We'll be right back, live on the red carpet."

7:35 pm
Mickey Rourke is talking to Baba Wawa about his troubles with debt, and how his therapist knows more people in L.A. than he does. Awkward.

"What would winning this Oscar mean to you?"
"Well, you'll probably edit this out, but.... It would mean the world to me, it would be the epitome of the whole comeback thing, in a material way. But.... You can't eat it, you can't f*** it, and it won't get you into heaven."
(pause) "Thank you, Mickey Rourke."
"Thank you, Barbara Walters."

7:39 pm
Ryan Seacrest: "How did winning the Oscar change your life?"
Marion Cotillard: "Well, I'm never home... But I'm happy."

Angelina is wearing a strapless black dress and trying really hard to do her sexy-mysterious smirk, except she looks really pissed with Brad and just grabbed him and made him stand a CERTAIN WAY beside her.

Penelope Cruz's boobs look like they're undergoing a mammogram.

Miss J is loving the architecture of Jessica Biel's dress. Whereas Beyonce's dress, which looks like it has enough structure in it to withstand the next Katrina, gets no comment on architecture -- Miss J: "Look how it matches the Oscar behind her!!"

7:42 pm
Kate Winslet looks beautiful and classy... shocker. Yawn.

In other news, I've realized why Miss J was so petulant about the EXACT nature of the sparkles on Marion Cotillard's dress -- it's because his jacket appears to be made of the exact same material. Maybe they should stand next to each other and exemplify glorious opposites -- white and European, indeterminate-non-white American, straight, gay, black-haired, disturbingly-fake white hair, female and .... something.

7:44 pm
Commercial break: Julia Roberts and Clive Owens' new movie about sexy spies who second-guess each other so often that I can tell even from the 30-second commercial that the plot has issues. It's called "Duplicity".

Next commercial, for "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" -- "from executive producer Ryan Seacrest"?!?!?! It all makes sense now.

7:46 pm
Ditzy female TV announcer is "dying" at seeing Angie and Brad again, but also pinpoints the awkward attitude Angie is displaying toward Brad. Kate Winslet is "really nervous" and is slightly annoyed with her husband for sprinting ahead of her on the red carpet. Wow - not a great night for marriage.

Ryan then proceeds to show Kate a picture of new her TIME magazine cover, on which she looks deathly pale and is clearly wearing zero makeup. I actually really like it.

7:48 pm
I am so pulling for "Milk". Apparently "Slumdog Millionaire" is the new front-running, and I've heard nothing but good things about it, but I have a major soft spot for films that could actually have political impact on current situations. It is so appropriate that this movie was made exactly thirty years after Proposition 6 was defeated, due to Harvey Milk's efforts (which got him assassinated), and that the same year "Milk" was made, Proposition 8 passed, banning gay marriage in California and effectively setting North America right back to 1978. There's a great article going into more depth on this topic in the Huffington Post, but suffice it to say that there is usually only one film up for an Academy Award each year that has the power to make real change in the political and social world. In my opinion, this is it.

7:53 pm
Brad is either way happier than Angie tonight or he's actually just that good an actor. Who knew.

Robert Downey Jr. just called Ryan Seacrest "buddy" in the most condescending way possible. I LOVE HIM. He looks really good and not at all aging and haggard as he has in the recent past.

Any news about Iron Man 2? "Just that we're slaving away over hot script"... I BET you are, you dirty boy.

7:58 pm
Just saw the bottom of SJP's dress and it is, in fact, a tutu. Appropriate throwback to the original opening sequence of SATC.

7:59 pm
Taraji P. Henson (aka Queenie from "Benjamin Button") is actually the cutest thing ever.

8:01 pm
Barbara has been replaced by The Simpsons, and CityTV is showing the episode of Friends where there's a blackout and Chandler gets trapped in an ATM vestibule with a Victoria's Secret model. A cat gets lost, Rachel meets Paulo the Italian wanker, Ross's hair looks greasy yet immovable, and Monica looks unhealthily thin. Hilarity ensues. I MAY have seen this entire series too many times.

8:03 pm
Cameron Diaz has gone brunette? Wtf. Isn't her whole, you know, THING based on her laid-back surfer-girl California blonde image? Other than that, isn't she just a mediocre actress with abnormally prominent cheekbones and chin and creepily pale blue eyes?

8:04 pm
Valentino sounds like a cross between Marlon Brando, the Pope, and a zombie.

8:05 pm
The entire cast of "Slumdog Millionaire" is speaking to the TV announcer. Well, I guess if they could have Harvey Milk and his gay army present at the Oscars, that would help "Milk" too. But they can't. Because he died.

8:06 pm
Mickey Rourke is talking about his dead dog again. Apparently we're just all about death here tonight.

Zac Ephron and Vanessa Hudgens make me want to slap them. They are TOO PRETTY. Except for Zac's slicked-back greasy dude hair.

8:08 pm
Robert Downey Jr. just referred to his wife as "my date for the rest of this incarnation, Susan Downey".

8:09 pm
I don't know who this announcer is, but he is the classiest, most white-haired, OLDEST flamboyant man I've ever seen.

Miley Cyrus also makes me want to slap her, but not so much because she is pretty (because she isn't), but because she dresses like someone twice her age and with twice her attitude. You need way more street cred and actual talent and personal interest to pull off a dress so full of crazy.

8:10 pm
Anne Hathaway is, predictably, demure and modest and humble and cute. I know I love her and all, but is it too much to ask for one of my favorites to completely eff up during their red carpet chat and say something 100 percent inappropriate or conceited or ignorant?

8:12 pm
Re: Eva Longoria Parker's L'Oreal hair colour commercial -- I really dislike it when people pronounce it "CAR-mel". It's not a Jetta.

Also: it saddens me deeply that Phylicia Rashad is doing Jenny Craig commercials. Even sadder than the fact that Stephanie from "Full House" had a baby, went to rehab for meth addiction, then ran out on her husband. In that order. What the hell is happening to all my favorite 80s TV stars?!

8:17 pm
Richard Jenkins is nominated for "The Visitor". Better known as Jennifer Aniston's dad from "Rumor Has It", wherein Mark Ruffalo acts like a jealous petulant wank and Kevin Costner comes out as the cradle-robbing AND YET cougar-chasing perv that I am so sure he is in real life. Oh, and Shirley Maclaine acts like a hilarious and fabulous jerk, but you knew that.

Jack Black and his wife Tanya. I just -- love him. "What?! We'll wrap it up? OH -- someone more famous is walking up, I feel."

8:18 pm
TV announcer just informed Marisa Tomei that Mickey Rourke said he loved seeing her with her clothes off. Most awkward lead-up EVER to his compliment that he (the announcer) likes seeing her with her clothes ON, segueing not-so-smoothly into asking who did her dress.

If there was an earthquake, Seth Rogen would save Judd Apatow, because without him, he would never work. Apt, Seth. Very apt. Judd, in turn, would save his wife Leslie, except he wouldn't need to, because her dress is made of "indestructible material". Leslie fake laughs, clearly thinking "Sigh... how long before I can start drinking?" I loved her so much as crazy bitch wife in "Knocked Up".

8:22 pm
Not really sure how comfortable I am with CTV showing commercials for Canesten yeast-infection tablets during the Academy Awards. Although this could be a clue as to why some of the stars look so uncomfortable during four-hour awards shows.

8:24 pm
I really hate Ben Mulroney's voice. I also hate that from 1988 through 1992, I was regularly asked by other children if I was related to the Mulroneys. Stupid kids who couldn't read.

8:25 pm
HUGH JACKMAN and his HAIR and his ACCENT are presenting. My god, is he ever smooth. I would very much like it if he broke out into spontaneous song and dance.

Instead, he just mocked himself based on the fact that he is an Australian who played an Australian in a movie called "Australia". Maybe you don't want to bring that up too often, sweetie.

8:27 pm
OH MY GOD. HE IS GOING TO SING.

.... something related to Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.

Well, I guess I did ask for it.

8:28 pm
"Human excrement" rhymes with "sentiment". Apparently.

8:29 pm
omg. OMG. He is jumping up on the arms of seats, and now he has backup dancers -- and props-- SO MANY PROPS. The Academy may want to think about the fact that this year's performance, by an actor, is way funnier than the last few years, which were hosted by comedians.

8:30 pm
He just picked up Anne Hathaway from the front row while she kicked and squealed in mock surprise. But, I see now, this was pre-planned. Again, I really just wanted to see something spontaneous and awkward. But then, Hathaway just rose to an operatic soprano high note, so there's the awkwardness right there.

8:32 pm
Entire section based on the fact that Hugh "hasn't seen 'The Reader' yet". Ouch.

8:33pm
He now has to spend the rest of the ceremony all sweaty and disheveled. Which makes the fact that he just sat on Frank Langille's lap a little more awkward.

8:34 pm
The setup seems a bit weird this year -- they've got all the nominees down in some kind of "inner circle". In fact, the set looks more like the location for "American Idol" or "Whose Line Is It Anyway" than the ACADEMY AWARDS.

8:36 pm
Montage of past Best Supporting Actress winners and their respective Moments. How cute was Anna Paquin?

8:37 pm
Oh-- and here they come onto the stage. Whoopi, Tilda Swinton, Goldie Hawn, Anjelica Huston and one I don't recognize (eeeee). Recognizing Viola Davis's work in "Doubt", Penelope Cruz's "blazing" presence in "Vicky Cristina Barcelona". Whoopi: "It's not easy being a nun. ... Your face never looks thin, you never get to wear pants, and your love interest is always offscreen." FREAKING AMAZING. Goes on to laud Amy Adam's work in "Doubt".

8:40pm
Goldie Hawn's breasts congratulate Taraji P Henson for her "special gift" in "Benjamin Button". She's a bit of a wack job, now isn't she. Whereas Tilda Swinton (or, as The Fug Girls call her, SWINTON) dresses like a wack job but OWNS her craziness in a wide-eyed, mascara-less way. The SWINTON is now announcing the winner... why didn't they personally congratulate all five nominees? Weird.

8:42 pm
Penelope wins!!!

"This is not going to be 45 seconds, I can tell you that right now. Has anyone ever fainted up here?"

She thanks Woody Allen for writing some of the greatest female characters over the years.

"Art, in any form, is and has always been our universal language, and we should do everything we can to protect it."

8:48 pm
YESSSSS Tina Fey and Steve Martin.

Tina: "It has been said that to write is to live forever."
Steve: "The man who wrote that is dead."

8:49 pm
Best original screenplay. "Milk" is nominated.
"I know you are angry. I AM ANGRY." YES.

Oscar goes to: MILK!!!!!!!!! Yes yes yes. To hell with journalistic objectivity. This young writer seems incredibly deserving and talented. Sean Penn is about to cry.

"To all the gay and lesbian children who have been told by their churches that they are less than -- you are beautiful... Thank you, and thank you God for giving us Harvey Milk."

8:53 pm
Tina Fey is staring dreamily at Steve Martin and smiling. He stops mid-sentence to order her not to fall in love with him.

My favorite line from Benjamin Button: "Sleep with me." "Absolutely."

8:55 pm
Oscar for best adaptation goes to "Slumdog Millionaire". I'm definitely going to have to see this movie.

8:57 pm
JENNIFER ANISTON AND JACK BLACK. TOGETHER. I am so happy right now.

The camera awkwardly cuts to Angelina, laughing at Jen and Jack's antics. Why must the media continue to create a rivalry and feud that probably doesn't exist in real life? But if it does, Team Aniston forever.

8:59 pm
Scenes from Kung Fu Panda, Horton Hears a Who, Madagascar something or other, Space Chimps (wtf?), The Tale of Despereaux, Bolt, and Wall-E.

Oscar goes to Wall-E. Jack Black yells "YEAH!!!!"

Winner thanks his high school drama teacher for casting him, 28 years ago, in "Hello Dolly" -- if you are the ONE person who didn't see "Wall-E", the little robot watches "Hello Dolly" in the movie.

9:03 pm
Jen is working REALLY hard to correctly pronounce all the foreign names of nominees for best short film. She was REALLY happy to get "Adam Smith".

Goes to "La Maison en Petit Cubes", which is mispronounced by both Jen and Jack. Americans are really bad at French, eh?

Oh wow... this winner painfully stumbles through his thanks in a thick Asian accent, and then says "domo arigato, Mister Roboto". Cringe.

9:10 pm
SJP and Daniel Craig. There is so much hotness on this stage right now.

Art direction nominees: Benjamin Button, The Duchess, The Dark Knight, Changeling, Revolutionary Road. Wow, I've only see two of those.

Oscar to Benjamin Button! Such a good movie. I approve.

9:13 pm
One of the two winners looks remarkably like Snake from Degrassi: The Good Version.

9:14 pm
SJP's breasts are practically floating. But in a painful-looking way.

9:16 pm
Costume design awarded to The Duchess.

9:18 pm
Makeup nominees: Benjamin Button, Dark Knight, Hellboy II (again - wtf?)
Oscar to Benjamin Button. Well deserved, I think -- anyone who can make Brad Pitt disturbingly old and ugly, and then gradually EVEN HOTTER than he has looked in real life for the last 15 years, deserves an award.

9:19 pm
Edward from "Twilight" and Amanda Seyfried from "Mama Mia", aka dumb breast girl with ESPN from "Mean Girls". Hasn't made much intellectual progress since then, either.
Edward: "I had to become a vampire to find the right girl."
Amanda: "I have three fathers. So..."

9:21pm
Montage of every movie made in 2008. Not sure what's going on right now. Theme of love, relationships, dancing, dating, betrayal, feelings.... I might cry.

9:25pm
I'm already tired, and a little bit bored. This is a bad sign.

Cinematography award presented by Natalie Portman and Ben Stiller... a supremely odd combination, especially since Ben is wearing a massive fake beard and dark glasses. Natalie just reamed him out for chewing gum, which he then put down on the podium. I think he's supposed to be Joaquin Phoenix in his new disgusting incarnation as retired actor?

"What's going on with you?"
"Nothing, I just want to retire from being a funny guy." Yup. A Joaquin Phoenix joke.

Stiller now wandering aimlessly around the stage while Natalie reads out the teleprompter gush about how wonderful these cinematographers are.

9:29 pm
"Slumdog Millionaire" gets the cinematography award.

9:31 pm
Did I just see Rupert Grint in the audience?
No.
I don't think so. Less redhead, younger kid.
But that was the most exciting thing that's happened in the last half hour.

9:33 pm
Jessica Biel is wearing something bizarrely drape-y and just used the word "sci fi thingamajigs". Everything she says sounds fake. No wonder she isn't famous for her acting skill.

And now we're back to another commercial break after that one-minute segment on the science and technology awards at another ceremony.

9:37 pm
Seth Rogen and James Franco do a "Pineapple Express" segment where they watch all the movies that were not nominated for Oscars this year. I think? But there's a segment from "The Reader", so.... I don't care. I love these two. They're singing to the tune of "Take a chance on me".

Now they're wrestling.

Now they're stapling each other's faces.

They've got the cinematographer from "Saving Private Ryan" hanging with them now, waving his two Oscars and apologizing to Steven Spielberg.

HA, now all three of them are live onstage wearing suits. God, James Franco is beautiful. I've missed him since I saw him on the red carpet two and a half hours ago.

9:41 pm
James mispronounces the name of the movie that wins some award for something I wasn't paying attention to, because he's so pretty.

9:42 pm
Oh. It's for live action short film. And he's German.

9:45 pm
I could really go for a double cheeseburger.

9:47 pm
Hugh Jackman is singing and dancing again, this time in a high-top hat and tails, with 20 lookalikes doing a medley of Broadway classics. And here's Beyonce in a sparkly red leotard and top hat, with 20 female lookalikes in black-tux leotards.

And it's morphing into "Greased Lightning". This might be the best thing I've ever seen.

LADY MARMALADE. Oh my -- Amanda Seyfried is one of the leotard lookalikes.

See, this right here is what I dislike about musicals -- the chorus group is singing one line in the background while the lead is singing a completely different thing overtop of it. TOO MUCH.

Beyonce's singing Etta James' "At Last", bringing applause from the crowd for the reference to her performance at the inauguration ball.

There are SO MANY PEOPLE ONSTAGE RIGHT NOW.

Including Zac Ephron and Vanessa Hudgens. I didn't know they actually sing. Probably because I've never liked actual high school musicals, let alone a series of teen movies with that title.

Hugh Jackman's triumphant yell "The musical is back!" And a shout-out to Baz Luhrmann who created that number, apparently. Which isn't a surprise, since he loves all medleys and anything confusing and with an insane number of pop-culture and entertainment references.

9:56 pm
Montage of past best actor winners. Or is it best supporting actors? Yes.

And five past winners come out on stage. Alan Arkin, Christopher Walken, Cuba Gooding Jr, Kevin Kline and some other dude I don't know.

Alan Arkin tributes Philip Seymour Hoffman for his work in "Doubt". Meryl looks on in pride. Some really old guy tributes Josh Brolin for "Milk", who is sitting with Diane Lane, who looks faintly surprised and amused. Cuba Gooding Jr agrees with everything that's been said so far, and praises Robert Downey Jr for his work playing a white man playing a black man in blackface. Cuba sums it up: "Are you outta your mind?" and congratulates Robert on his upcoming role in "Shaft".

Christopher Walken praises someone I don't recognize for role in "Revolutionary Road". Michael Shannon? Kevin Kline brings up the inevitable creepy and sad reference to Heath Ledger. Camera cuts to Ledger's family in the audience. Kline tributes Heath's legacy of amazing roles throughout his career. There is somewhat tepid applause, given how much hype there's been about Heath's presence in these awards.

Oscar goes to: HEATH LEDGER! So bittersweet. He SO deserved to have this in his lifetime.

10:03 pm
Heath's entire family goes up to accept his award. The entire audience is standing up for an ovation.

You can tell where he got his fantastic good looks -- his whole family is freaking gorgeous. Cut to Kate Winslet looking devastated. Brad Pitt looks thoughtful. Mickey Rourke looks uncomfortable.

"This award would have validated Heath's quiet determination..."

Anne Hathaway is crying.

Heath's sister "proudly accepts this award on behalf of your beautiful Matilda". I am going to bawl.

10:07 pm
Bill Maher, looking dapper. "Everyone's crying, and now I have to go on."

Awkwardly talks about his own documentary, Religulous, which is not one of the nominees for the award he is presenting. Applause for all the nominees: The Betrayal, Encounters at the End of the World, The Garden, Man on Wire, Trouble the Water.

Oscar goes to Man on Wire! Yay, something European and quirky.

Winner dedicates his award to his daughters and says "Nothing's Impossible!" Other winner does a magic trick with a coin, then proceeds to balance the Oscar upside down on his face.

10:11 pm
Documentary short subjects, which seem to ALL be about depressing stories located in third-world countries.

The winner's name is the same as mine, except it's pronounced Meegan. Which I hate. But she's crying and smiling and happy, which I like.

Wait a second. It's spelled Megan. Who the fuck pronounces that as Meegan? I wonder if Maher mispronounced it.

10:14 pm
OH my GOD. This show has to end soon.

10:17 pm
Ooh. Ryan from "The OC" is gonna be on a new cop show. I always loved that short little guy.

10:19 pm
Montage of action sequences. Will Smith comes up through the floor, MIB-style.

Visual effects noms: Ben Button, Dark Knight, Iron Man.

And Oscar goes to Benjamin Button, for "turning Brad Pitt into a garden gnome" as Will Smith put it.

10:23 pm
Dark Knight wins another Oscar, this one for sound editing.

10:25 pm
Sound mixing noms (oh my god, I don't care): Ben Button... from now on, just assume that Benjamin Button is a nominee for EVERYTHING.... Dark Knight, Slumdog Millionaire, Wall-E, Wanted.

Oscar to Slumdog Millionaire.

"I worked with two magicians who created the ordinary sounds of Bombay - the cacophony of Bombay - for this movie." Also something about the word that means silence and peace, 'om'.

10:28 pm
Cut to Jen Aniston sitting in the audience with John Mayer, who is staring up sideways at the ceiling. Oh Jennifer... you can do so much better than that schmuck.

Yes, Will Smith says, I'm still up here. Now he's presenting nominees for editing. Frost/Nixon, Dark Knight, Milk, Slumdog Millionaire, Benjamin Button (see? I told you).

Oscar goes to Slumdog! Moby lookalike Chris Dickens comes up to accept. The Slumdog crowd in the audience is SUPER pumped.

10:30 pm
Oh my god, he even sounds like Moby. Except British. Same glasses and everything.

10:36 pm
Eddie Murphy presenting Jean Hersholt Award to Jerry Lewis - not just a comedian but a humanitarian. He worked on behalf of children with muscular dystrophy.

OMG, cutest child ever -- little boy with glasses says, "You know what - the challenges in life are part of our life, and that's how we learn." So true.

10:39 pm
Jerry Lewis comes out to accept his award and gets a standing ovation. I feel like this is one of those times where if I was over thirty, I'd be really excited right now, because maybe I'd know what this guy represents to Hollywood.

10:44 pm
Musical performance with an orchestra. I'm too tired to be witty. There are trombones... insert joke here.

10:48 pm
Zac Ephron and Alicia Keys... she is so much woman, it's almost enough to make me switch teams. Original score Oscar goes to: Slumdog composer.

Right before Zac read out the name on the paper, Alicia whispered "duh na na NA", like a drum roll. Best thing ever.

10:50 pm
Zac is remarkably poised and smooth for a fetus.

10:51 pm
Performance by one of the artists whose song is nominated for Best Original Song, for Slumdog. Oh my gosh, I forgot how much I love the Peter Gabriel song from Wall-E. It makes me happy.

10:55 pm
Nominees for song: one from Slumdog, one from Wall-E, another from Slumdog.

Oscar goes to: one of the ones from Slumdog. I find it weird that they'd pit someone against themselves, for two nominations in the same category. Shouldn't they have given a third person a chance? Not that this guy isn't awesome, cuz he is. "All my life I had a choice, between hate and love, and I chose love. God bless."

10:58 pm
"The Soloist" looks really good... Robert Downey Jr and Jamie Foxx. If it was any two more serious actors, I'd say Oscar fodder for '10 for sure. But based on Downey's blase attitude about his nominations this year, not sure anyone will ever nominate him again.

11:00 pm
Hugh praises the performances for Song nominees, and finally told me who the singer was - John Legend. I was wondering why they didn't have Peter Gabriel singing his own song.

Liam Neeson and an actress from Slumdog, presenting foreign-language film nominees. Oscar goes to: Departures, from Japan.

Best actor and actress awards up next... thank god. Some of us have to work tomorrow, HUGH... what do you mean by keeping me up til all hours of the night watching your smooth antics? Honestly.

11:05 pm
Queen Latifah doing her bit on people we've lost. I now see that she was referring to artists and actors who have died in the last year. Bernie Mac. Bud Stone. Ollie Johnston. Van Johnson. Michael Crighton. Nina Foch. Charles H. Joffe. Abby Mann. Robert Mulligan. Evelyn Keyes. Richard Widmark. Claude Berri. Isaac Hayes. Charlton Heston. Sydney Pollack. Paul Newman.

11:12 pm
"The president of the Academy is stepping down, and as a farewell present, has agreed not to make a speech to us."

Reese Witherspoon, you darling! Presenting award for directors, who can sometimes function as a therapist on set, or even a hostage negotiator, when certain actors are having difficulty coming out of their trailors. "Not that I'm speaking about myself. ... But you know who you are. ... Ben Stiller."

Noms for best directing: Danny Boyle, Slumdog; Ron Howard, Frost/Nixon; Benjamin Button; The Reader; Gus Van Sant, Milk.

Oscar:
Danny Boyle for Slumdog! Oh the hugging. So much hugging. And Danny is on stage jumping up and down. Apparently he is receiving this award "in the spirit of Tigger, from Winnie-the-Pooh", a promise he made to his kids.

And apologized during his speech to a choreographer of the movie, whose name he forgot to include in the movie credits. Ouch.

11:17 pm
Commercial break? REALLY? Shut this thing down.

11:19 pm
BEST ACTRESS TIME!!!

Sophia Loren, Halle Berry, Shirley Maclaine, Nicole Kidman and Marion Cotillard come out onstage - holy famous people. I didn't even know Sophia Loren was still alive. This is stellar.

Shirley: speaks to Anne Hathaway, which makes Anne weep like a little girl. "You're not afraid to show both your dark and your light sides. This is your first nomination and I have a feeling it won't be your last. And by the way, you have an extraordinary voice." Anne mouths "thank you Shirley, I love you".

Marion tributes Kate Winslet, who looks adorably grateful and moved, given that Marion is a newbie, but she is so genuine when she thanks Kate for her work.

Halle speaks to Melissa Leo, who I'm not familiar with.

Sophia Loren looks like a dragon lady. Like Tina Turner after a vacation with no sunscreen, and having stuck her finger in a socket. She tributes Meryl Streep in her grand European voice, in her slow way of speaking that gives the impression she doesn't give a shit about timelines and hurrying up, because she's Sophia fucking Loren.

Nicole Kidman, robotic as per usual, praises Angelina's "very modern gifts". A robot WOULD say that.

I have to say, I really like this individual tribute thing.

Oscar to KATE WINSLET!!!!!!

She is freaking out, admirably. She is hugging everyone in the auditorium. "Okay, that fainting thing, Penelope?"

"I'd be lying if I said I hadn't made up versions of this speech in the past, when I was eight years old, with a shampoo bottle. Well, it's not a shampoo bottle now! I feel very fortunate to have made it all the way from there until now. ... I want to thank my parents, who are here in this room tonight -- Dad, whistle or something because--"

Her dad whistles.
AWESOME.

"I want to acknowledge my fellow nominees, these GODDESSES -- I think we all can't believe we're in the same category with Meryl Streep at all! I'm sorry Meryl, but you just have to suck that up."

11:30 pm
Montage of Best Actor past wins. And the onstage representatives are: Robert Deniro, Ben Kingsley, Anthony Hopkins, Adrien Brody and Michael Douglas. And may I just say - wow. They really have pull here at the Academy, don't they. Even the nominees look astounded.

Michael Douglas talks about Frank Langella's portrayal of a historical figure in Frost/Nixon.

Robert Deniro: "How did Sean Penn for all those years get all those jobs playing straight men?" He also references the surfer dude Spicoli. Sweet.
"Tonight it's important to be a great actor. In life, it's more important to be a great human being. That's my friend Sean Penn."

Adrien Brody lauds Richard Jenkin's 60-plus films throughout his career.

Anthony Hopkins talks about Brad Pitt's character acting in Benjamin Button. Angie's mood finally improves upon that tribute.

Ben Kingsley talks about Mickey Rourke's second shot at life and film career. "Only a fiercely honest actor could be so effective as a guy who hasn't had it easy... Welcome back, the returning champ."

11:37 pm
Oscar goes to: Sean Penn for "Milk"!!!!!!!

"You commie, homo loving sons of guns!"

He puts on some glasses and reads off a tiny piece of paper to thank his supporters, people who contributed to the movie, and the director. "There is no finer hands to be in than Gus Van Sant."

He speaks about the shame that people should feel if they voted for the ban on gay marriage, and the shame their children will feel. The writer of the movie is visibly moved. Lastly, he thanks all the nominees and Mickey Rourke in particular, who "rises again, and he is my brother."

11:41 pm
Hugh: "Please welcome the guy I've been trying to impress all night with my fake Australian accent - Steven Spielberg."

Montaaaaage.

Nominees for Best Motion Picture: Curious Case of Benjamin Button; Frost/Nixon; Milk; The Reader; Slumdog Millionaire.

Oscar goes to SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE!

Again with the hugging.

Oh wow, they're getting the entire group up there - producers, cast members, the whole crew. Awww the cute little boy is right up front. Christian Colson is making the speech, emphasizing the collaborative effort that made the film what it was.

"Most of all, we had passion and we had belief, and our film shows that if you have that, you can do anything."

11:50 pm
Hugh wants me to stay and get a sneak peek at films for 2009, but even his sassiness can't keep me up any longer... I gotta hit the hay! Hope you enjoyed my perspective on the last five hours. Ciao!